So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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