I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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