does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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