Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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