; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
