P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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