I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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