We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
