but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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