Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
