Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
