You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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