just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
