Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize