im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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