i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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