Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize