She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
