I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize