I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
