Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize