Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
