Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize