So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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