coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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