Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
