"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
