Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk is not a location!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
