he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
