last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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