I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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