These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
