Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
