i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
BRING THE BAGELS
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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