The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
