Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
