she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
