I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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