its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
