I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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