hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
