In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
