You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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