So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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