Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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