Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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