Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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