Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I enjoy the company of your penis
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
