oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
