My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
