I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
They are going to name an STD after you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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