What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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