When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
