Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
