The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
