In the future we'll all be gay
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
