If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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