I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
