i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
