After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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