do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
