It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
