your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
