I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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