How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
