Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
