If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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