So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
