i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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