My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
