My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
