There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
