I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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