its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
