I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
