Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
