what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize