...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
