The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
two words: eviction party
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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