I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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