i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
