i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
