so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
