I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Everclear isn't food dammit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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