i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
