next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
