Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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