If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize