Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
