I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
