Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
