I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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