Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
