and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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