I forgot how hot balto sounded
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
