He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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