I feel great
I just peed on a car
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
