go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
