And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
