did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
