just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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