Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
