U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Little spoons don't ask big questions
should my penis look like a turkey
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize