Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
